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Where do I start?

I've had so many thoughts lately and haven't "blogged" any of them. Oddly enough, most of the lessons I've been learning lately, I've recognized that I had learned them before, forgot them, and am learning them again. Sometimes I feel like that is what depression is; forgetting the things that matter, at least at times for me it seems that way.
I am so grateful to be serving in Primary with all the children who are so quick to remember and to share their knowledge. It helps me remember too.

I had a little piece of heaven touch down on earth Sunday evening. My family and I were at a park we randomly found while driving around town. We were in a baseball field and on the other side of the fence of the field was a cemetery. I wanted to go take a closer look at the many thousands of tombstones sticking up from the ground, so I told Windsor to run to the fence with me. "On your marks," He takes his stance. "Get set. GO!" We both book it! Of course I got there first, because I was not holding back and full on sprinted to the fence. I turned around and saw Tamralynn in Richard's arms and Windsor running next to him. I started jogging back to them with my arms wide open to embrace them and that's when it happened. Heaven came. I felt like I was running in a beautiful grass field to my loved ones, in heaven. It was so perfect. In fact, it was so perfect I stopped running to them to soak in the moment even more. I silently told myself to soak in and remember this moment for when the harder moments come; when I forget.
I can't fully explain to you how much that moment was a fresh glass of water for me. It has been a very long time since I have been able to feel joy, especially as pure as that moment was.
Going to church on Sunday without my family (they stayed home sick) really showed me how much I want to be with them. That was an unexpected, welcoming feeling. Again, for so long, I haven't felt that. I haven't missed them when I'm away from them. It's like suddenly I am able to feel again and not just pain and sorrow and longing for an escape, but able to feel joy, real happiness, belonging, and a good sense of feeling needed and wanted. I feel like my emotions are true again. I think during this depression phase, my emotions have not been reflecting truth, but simply a negative perspective I couldn't shake off. (For anyone who has suffered with depression, you know it's not something you can "just shake off," even though we wish we could and try!) Truth is a clear view, a correct and accurate perspective. That's why when you learn truth, you feel like your eyes were just opened. I love that feeling!
The more stressed I feel, the less I am able to "see." My true vision is no longer true. It blurs. I've been living with blurry vision for several months now. I am grateful that I had moments of clarity to help get me through my "blind spot" of life. And I can't really say I feel like I'm out of the woods completely, but at least I know I have a pair of glasses I can put on to help me see clearly when my vision starts blurring again.
Saturday was a hard day. Thankfully though, Richard sacrificed some of his study time to give me some personal study time with the Lord. I used it and that's when I received my "pair of glasses" to help me see more clearly. The Lord and I talked. It started with a prayer, I opened my scriptures, but instead I felt like I need to write. So I started writing a letter to the Lord. Dear Heavenly Father... this is how I'm feeling, what should I do? I love doing this. He always answers. I just keep writing and His words come to the page in response to my written questions. This is something I've done in the past (before my depression) but never recognized it as a conversation with God, until my sister enlightened me.
So now, from this experience I have some tools so to speak to help me stay more positive, which in turns help me have a true perspective, a correct map. The tools are simple enough, sing a happy primary song, study my scriptures, talk with my Heavenly Father through writing, and prayer. And it's not that I wasn't doing these same things before, but Heavenly Father and I both understand that I was suffering with depression; it wasn't fully my choice to choose to be happy, where He and I know that I am doing much better now and it is in my control again. I can choose to be happy. I can choose which thoughts stay. So I repented, I changed my thoughts and I have been having a good happy life since! Sure I still get frustrated with the kids and even lose my temper at times, but it is nice to know that I can choose again! It is within my power.
Oh, now I just want to talk about Power!   ...maybe I'll start a new blog.